My whole life growing up I didn’t really imagine much about my birth father. Not to be insensitive but the thought of meeting my birth mom one day was already a far reach that thinking about my birth father seemed more untouchable.
After losing my (adoptive) mom at 16 years old, my (adoptive) dad became Mr. Mom. His role became double duty, overtime. He took the role of nurturing highly sensitive teenagers. He was head of the household in all the ways you can imagine. He had to deal with his daughter’s grief, coping and trauma emotions alone alongside typical teen behavior. I very much looked up to my dad but I missed my mom. A lot. He missed her too.
Father’s Day doubled for me 2 years ago, when my dad was no longer my only parent. After the twist and turns of deciding to submit my DNA to Ancestry.com to discover my ethnicity, I came out with so much more— I gained another father, my birth father. This was something that made my head spin; my heartache but overflow. I couldn’t let one person or one relationship favor the other. The pressure of this dynamic again was something I never imagined and impossible to prepare for.
But then as the relationship between me and my birth father continues to unfold, there is no comparison. The main similarity being, their hearts and their altruism. Their love for me and their daughters. Always welcoming and accepting. Mario (my birth dad) brings something to the table that I have recently realized. He is what I am missing in my life still; my mom. He has so many similar traits to my mom. It’s almost as if my mom sent him to me. As if she was reincarnated through him. Ever since he came into my life, more has made sense of losing my mom. Still very hard for me to put into words but I feel it. The feeling I get when I am around him is home.
Knowing Father’s Day was coming up, I really wanted to give my birth father, Mario, a platform to write out and share what meeting his daughter for the first time after 34 years has been like for him. So many times, birth fathers don’t get a voice and I want him to be heard just like how he screams from the mountain tops with love, excitement and confidence about our reunion.
He writes:
“Fa·ther’s Day/ˈfäT͟Hərz ˌdā/
the third Sunday in June, a day on which fathers are particularly honored by their children, especially with gifts and greeting cards.
They have it all wrong. Father’s day is every day! It’s Father’s days! Days of daily blessings of family, faith and miracles.
Fam·i·ly /ˈfam(ə)lē/
– a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.
They have it wrong again! Family are those parents and children who love each other unconditionally and are accepting of one another with true love and respect. This definition was derived from my family. A family full of blessings beyond my wildest dreams and imagination that don’t live together in a household, but together with love in their hearts.
To be a Father is my biggest blessing and after raising three beautiful daughters, Marissa, Lisana and Juliette, I was content with my life. My daughters excelled in school, sports and now becoming very responsible and God-fearing faithful Christians, instilling family with those same values with their families and friends.
It was He who later revealed to me another blessing as part of His plan. It all happened the evening of April 17, 2018…the text message from my brother, Mark asking me to talk to a girl named Kira, who Ancestry had connected him through DNA results of millions and millions of people.
It was that evening that I took the call from Kira, and discovered an immediate connection with her over a long distance call from Arizona. Within minutes, I recognized this nervous, giggly girl’s voice. I was overcome with emotion and could hardly wait to tell her that I was confident that she was mine….that she was my daughter. I knew. I just knew.
How do tell your daughter of thirty-four years, that you never met, never knew about, that you truly believe in your heart that you are her father? I didn’t think twice and blurted it out with excitement and listened to the silence coming all the way from the desert. After revealing who I thought was her birth mother, Kira and I couldn’t wait to meet, even before the DNA results were confirmed. Weeks had passed, talking on a regular basis, the DNA results revealed what I knew the from the beginning… I was DAD!!
The anticipation of meeting my daughter and finally seeing her face to face…like looking in a mirror of myself was an experience I’ll never forget. We laughed. We cried. We tried to fit thirty-four years of our lives into one evening, one conversation.
The best part of our story? Family! We have FAMILY! Grandma’s and Grandpa’s, grandchildren, cousins, aunts and uncles!! I also got to meet the greatest man… the man who is responsible of raising Kira to be the awesome person she is today. He had the perfect name.. “Linc” the perfect Dad whose connection with Kira, will never be forgotten.
My Kira. My Babygirl. I’m the happiest Father EVERYDAY!! After all, I knew the whole time that this is God’s plan.”
I can imagine that each Father’s Day is only going to get better and better. I get to continue to learn about my birth father and grow a new relationship that seems so familiar. I get to celebrate two men that hold a huge part of my heart and made me who I am today. I will never take this time in my life for granted as it was something that I never imagined would be gifted to me.
WRITTEN BY KIRA MCSHERRY: Kira currently lives in the hot desert with her husband + two children. She is a an advocate for the adoption triad as both an adoptee and adoptive mom. Photography is her addiction and writing is her therapy.
