Today, We Write Our Birth Moms Together

Sitting side by side, I set us up with paper and pens (and crayons). I look to my left and there is my daughter about to write her first mama and I am about to write mine for the very first time. This is a part of the bonding experience I didn’t think about as we entered the adoption process or an aspect that I ever thought about as an adoptee. This miracle is another attribute that shows the beauty in adoption.
The pressure for her isn’t as great as it is for me. Aimless squiggles, color changing patterns, wordless pictures fill her paper. I look down at mine and I see nothing except a bunch of eraser shavings from constantly erasing and rewriting my jumbled thoughts.
 How do I put 34 years of questions, thoughts, memories, milestones into ONE letter, THE letter. How do I update someone on my life when I have no idea if she even wants to hear from me. How do I ask questions about her or my biological family without feeling intrusive or too direct? Being fully submerged in the adoption triad the past two years, I am well aware that I may get rejected. That the result from my letter will be another “no”. An answer I heard many times when we were adopting but an answer that would impact me differently this time, in my own adoption story. As I continue to attempt to write my letter I jump back and forth from excitement to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable, fear of this leap of faith.  If I am honest, I still have no idea why I am actually pursuing my past. I get asked all the time “why now” and it’s hard to answer especially when for most my life, I have been confident in letting my past be the past. 
I quickly try to flip the fears into enthusiasm. It’s incredible that after YEARS, I finally get to write this letter to her. Something she can read 1 time or a 1000 times over again. I get to include pictures of the past 34 years. She gets a peek into the world her decision has led me to. I go back and forth what to write. I am not good at talking about myself and I do not like listing all the things I have accomplished or failed at. But all of that are part of my story. Her daughters story.


When I had originally written my daughter’s birth mom, I assured her that we would be devoted to her daughter. Love her and treat her like our own. As adoptive parents, I promised we would provide for her emotionally, spiritually and physically and provide a safe and loving environment.

These are all things my parents did for me when I was placed in their arms. I was safe. Happy. Loved. Encouraged. Disciplined. Inspired. Protected by my mom and dad. And I think my birth mom needs to know that I received all the care that she would want her daughter to have. I want her to know it’s okay. That I am okay. Regardless of where this letter may lead, I pray this letter will rid any guilt, pain or sadness and bring her peace.