It is true Father’s Day is a day focused on saying thanks to fathers for the love and support they give to their families. A way to say thank you for all the many different responsibilities they may have taken on over the past year, like teaching my daughter how to scream “GGGOOOOAAAALLLLL”, a skill that will last a lifetime. For me though the real reason why I love Father’s Day is because I get a super soaker from my daughter. A gift she was so excited to pick out for me. The excitement she had handing that simple little toy to me brought me tears of joy. She knew it meant her and “Papi” were going to create ruckus together again.
I remember when Lauren, my beautiful wife, and I started the adoption process and all the unknowns that came with it. We didn’t know many people who had gone through it. I felt lost in the midst. Admittedly, for me it was something that was hard to engage with. I had moments of excitement for the future and moments of uncertainty at the same time. On daily basis, it didn’t seem like anything was really happening. It didn’t seem like I was any closer to being a father.
We were fortunate to be chosen by an expectant mom who was relatively early on in her pregnancy. We were able to begin to build a wonderful relationship with her and go through some of the process together. However, I was still finding it hard to connect. She would send ultrasound photos. She would call with updates on the latest cravings. Those things got me excited but a part of it still didn’t feel real. That all changed the day our beautiful daughter came into the world. I’ll never forget my wife handing me our beautiful Luca for the first time. It felt like I could sit there and hold this beautiful child forever. I knew from that instant I would love her always.
As I look back, what I realized is that for me I didn’t need to focus on all of the details around becoming a father. All I wanted was to be a father. I wanted to show my child how amazing this world is and can be. I wanted to teach her how to love. I wanted to help her find her place. I wanted to teach her to yell “GGGGOOOOAALLLLLL” while we watched a soccer game together. It didn’t matter how I got there. It didn’t matter what the process looked like to me. Because no matter what the process was, nothing was going to stop me from loving that child unconditionally and for the rest of my life. Really, when it came down to it, the only things that mattered to me during the whole process was that the expectant mom who chose us was getting all the love and support she needed to go through this process and I was able to be there for my wife as we navigated the process of adoption. None of the rest of it mattered.
I love celebrating Father’s Day because I get to look back on the past year and reflect on all of the wonderful things my daughter and I got to do together. The many things we have taught each other over the past year. The tears we’ve shed, the endless giggles we’ve shared and the crazy dance moves we’ve invented. I love Father’s Day because as my daughter hands me a super soaker with so much joy on her face, I get to look her in the eyes and think I am so thankful you are mine and I am yours.
My journey to fatherhood was certainly not an easy one. I recognize that a day I now get to enjoy celebrating can be one full of pain and dread for others. If that is you, please know that you aren’t in it alone. One of the greatest lessons I hope to teach my daughter is that we are all in this crazy thing called life together. Because life is better together.
BarryBeautifully written John…..