I can feel that I’m entering into a new chapter of life. A chapter that is filled with many risks, but also much healing. I’m experiencing this theme of the power of storytelling, and I’m telling that voice within, rise up storyteller. It’s becoming more evident in my own life, that in order for there to be growth and a deeper connection to myself, there has to be a courageous endeavor into our own stories. As an adoptee, that journey to unwrapping the layers of “who we are” can seem very overwhelming and daunting. Each circumstance towards adoption is different, but I believe there to be one common truth that connects us all together.
This truth is worthiness. We each have it and it’s important that we live in that truth in order to believe it in those around us. In my own experience, having the courage to step into many of the unknowns of my story is because those in my community continually reminded me that I am enough, wanted, and celebrated. That I hold worth with every inch of my being. I believe it to be important for adoptees to know that all of who they are is welcomed at the table, in a safe place to explore all the complex emotions, questions and realizations that come along with navigating their story.
I’ve been asked about what were some things that my mom did well in regards to bringing in my culture recognizing that it is a part of me and honoring the stories that I do share among its history. As I look back, she approached all our differences honestly and made home safe for me to share what feelings had made way through. We talked in length about what shifts were happening in our community and also globally. Worthiness was at the foundation of each conversation.
Now as the mother of two brown boys, I’ve adopted this mantra for how I want to guide them: may my kids be aware but not afraid. There’s isn’t a formula that you can mix together in order to protect your child from the brokenness that lies in the reality of what adoption is or the prejudices they will face. What you can do is tangibly teach them what it looks like to ask the hard questions and how profound the inner bravery of ourselves will aid us in navigating our identity. We can remind them we hold worth and that allows us to sit and listen to the stories of others as well as our own.
I know the phrase “it takes a village” gets tossed around in these motherhood/ parenthood circles. But I implore you, bring others in who specifically do not look like you and importantly reflect the color tones of your child. We do watch how you invest in those friendships around you, and more importantly why. Nurture a home where diversity is tangible and that all are welcome because our inherent worth seats us at the table.
Honestly, my upbringing wasn’t perfect. Due to my closed adoption, many many years were full of unanswered questions and feelings of loss. Even in the hard, I was shown resilience from my mom that I carry with me today in sharing my own story with those who will listen. I continue to be grateful for the ways she stepped into some hard seasons with me, allowing me to take the lead in the areas I wanted to explore and rising us both up to the higher ground. It meant everything to know someone believed in me, was confident in who I was to continue on this journey and encouraged that open invitation for others into its unfolding. She gifted me the knowledge of my worth. Adoption is a partnership in many ways, it’s a coming together and interweaving of souls to one another in the most profound ways. Let’s begin with worthiness, affirming it in one another as we share our stories in the wide spaces and tight corners of our triad community.
Rise up storytellers.
Sharday is a transracial adoptee who is inviting that voice within to rise up storyteller. She continues to champion and advocate for those in this triad community in hopes of gathering around the table to hear others stories rise up. She, her husband and two little gents live in Long Beach, California.
