Adoption is hard.
We’ve all heard that many times before.
It’s hard holding space for brokenness while simultaneously experiencing unfathomable joy.
Adoption means your heart breaks over and over and over and over.
As we grow and learn from one another the realities of adoption can become overwhelming. So much so that it might seem easier to turn a blind eye. But just know you are not alone.
We all experience it; Adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents. We all experience it.
Adoption burnout.
It’s hard to keep learning when it seems to be never-ending. There’s so much pressure to get it right.
Will we ever get this right? Will I ever get this right? Probably not.
Don’t be discouraged though.
If you don’t think you are doing enough, chances are you are doing enough. Because if you think you are doing enough, chances are you aren’t.
I feel the weight of adoption everyday. I can only speak for myself as a birth mother but I can assume adoptees and birth parents share this sentiment.
Do I regret my decision? No. But the older I get and the more time that goes on, the more aware I become of the challenges adoptees face. Every adoptee voice I listen to, I hear it as if it’s being spoken by my birth daughter. The gravity of that is not lost on me.
It can be so tempting to walk away from it all. Turn off the social media. Escape the hard. Stop reading and educating myself. Hide away and pretend nothing is broken and all is fine.
I wish adoption weren’t so complicated. Does it really need to be so complicated anyway? Have we brought this upon ourselves? Has our desire to feel whole clouded our vision and caused us to become so self-absorbed that we can’t just take things at face value?
People are hurting, people are broken. So why do we insist on not listening to that brokenness? Why do we dig our heels in and not allow for change. I know nobody wants to make mistakes, but mistakes happen. They’ve happened from the beginning of time. Without mistakes, we wouldn’t be here. So why are we so afraid to admit we’ve missed the mark?
We need to continue growing and learning and more importantly owning up to our mistakes.
We don’t know everything and I’m not sure we ever will. Don’t be defeated by your past mistakes, don’t allow your mistakes to shut you down and shut people out. Don’t think redemption isn’t possible.
It’s so easy to throw in the towel and attempt to do things on our own. But the reality is we need each other. We should be able to rely on one another when things get tough or when we are at our wits end.
I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know. But slow and steady wins the race. Being willing to let your heart be challenged in a way that it’s not taken personally is the only way we will come out on top. For this is a heart issue, not an adoption issue.
Adoption is hard. It probably always will be but we can make it easier on ourselves if we let go of the competition. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. So check your heart before you get started. Are you ready at the mark?
WRITTEN BY JESSIE MATTOS: Jessie is a birthmom from Orlando, Florida, who has a passion for people, really good chicken wings, and will be the first to tell you if you have something in your teeth (in the nicest way possible!). She’s married to her best friend, Gabe, and is a stay at home mom to Gabriel and Micah. She is a University of Florida alumna and has been known to cut a rug or two. Jessie is the type of friend who will never leave your side and when she’s not spending time with her family, she loves to explore her hometown and immerse herself in the flavors of the city. Although she’s been a birth mom for eight years, Jessie has recently found her voice and her “people” within the adoption community and hopes to use this platform to remind others
