Now that a fresh new year is upon us bringing with it a sense of needed renewal, I continue to find myself wandering down inner thoughts on the path of reflecting what all of 2020 brought my way and how it touched our global humanity. I am recalling and naming the many emotions that filled tumultuous seasons, whether it was personal or collective or private and public. One consistent sentiment I heard among those in my community throughout the pandemic is, “I just want to return to the normalcy before all this” which we can all empathize and resonate on some level to this desire for aspects of life to hold rhythm.
Recently, I listened to a conversation between Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, and Brene Brown on her podcast centered on unlocking our connected humanity. The women addressed Priya’s work in facilitating community and conflict within a wide range of demographics along with diving into her experiences that have formed and influenced the writing in her book. I found it fascinating, inspiring, and thought provoking as we collectively navigate life in a global pandemic. It’s evident there is a real deep need for connecting with those in our community in this season of distanced relationships. We need to rediscover what it means to creatively enrich the ways in which we gather with one another.
In her book, The Art of Gathering, Priya describes how generous authority is necessary when gathering with one another. It is the idea that as a host we are to use our power to protect and fulfill the purpose of the group. We do so by grounding ourselves in the power of being intentional with one another while we connect, to interweave the meaning into the fabric of our purposed-filled connection. If we lose sight of the why, I find it to be difficult to put effort into the how. This authority isn’t solely found in the mundane zoom meetings, but also needed in the play dates and outdoor picnics, we look forward to. Holding intentional purpose however we meet invites us into a space for deeper and meaningful connection that ripples wider into holistic community building.
I do wonder, how we will prioritize what we bring with us as the daily unexpected turns into welcomed routines as the year unfolds. This past year was a true reckoning for our adoption community; each of us choosing to step into the brave spaces that were beckoning us to bring forth trembling vulnerability in many of the crevices that were glossed over during the many years of “normal”. I know many conversations were had from all sides, asking ourselves, how can we step into the gaps for one another when we struggle with our own gaps in our personal lives? What I fear most is that we will crave going back to the way things were instead of being nourished by what is now, which is needed for our communal blooming. I hesitate to welcome back what our community was by letting go of the present richness of raw tilling that was finally unearthed and brought to light.
For those of us who hold the role of parent within the adoption community, there is a tangible weight you carry into how you guard and guide your children. The veil has been lifted in recent years and I would dare say torn these past twelve months on the harmful and damaging narratives that continue to linger in our thoughts or conversations that need to be immediately expelled. It’s imperative that you are honest with yourself and the normalcy you were living before our pandemic specifically in providing needed resources to your young adoptee.
What therapy were you seeking/utilizing for yourself and your child before lock down?
Were you really investing in adoption led education and budgeting for services to be present in your home?
As a transracial family, were your current relationships at your table as colorful as the stories that filled your nursery bookshelves?
The time is now to make these shifts in your home and not just another added bullet on your list of post-pandemic activities to look into.
I think it’s imperative, we are honest with ourselves in the ways we weren’t actually doing the work we intended to be doing before we lost normalcy. I fear we will default to continuing a disservice to this next generation of adoptees if we won’t reflect vulnerably where intent completely misguided our impact. I implore us to break this cycle and habit of parenting that neglects the work required to raise our children to become their best selves which will then be the catalysts of transforming our wider communities for significant liberation and celebration.
Instead of pushing for what was, let’s be pressed into what is now.
I believe as we return to aspects of gathering, alongside partnering with the required creativity of quarantine connection, we can invite our wider communities into intentional spaces that are facilitating authentic community building on the foundations that we desire. Which will bring true transformation within our own selves and our collective. We carry with us, this reckoning that we can’t return to simple politeness or fear of stepping into messy emotions from difficult circumstances that are our own crucibles. May the silos we built in our past normalcy crumble and give way for grandeur amphitheaters that will hold the sacred storytelling of our triad community that is reflecting and celebrating the rise of our truest selves for our global audience.
Sharday is a wife to one and mom to two residing along the southern coast of California. She is an early riser, daily coffee connoisseur, interior design enthusiast, and lover of all things fall. She is a transracial adoptee who is inviting that voice within to rise up storyteller and desires to champion and advocate for those in this triad community in hopes of adding more leaves and seats to our extended table to hear others stories rise up as well.
