Learning the Language of Anti-Racism

Learning a new language is hard. Something I have never been good at. To truly become truly fluent, you have to immerse yourself in the culture and practice a whole lot. You have to be comfortable messing up, getting corrected, trying again. And you can’t just practice in your head, to become better, you have to be vulnerable and say it out loud. When learning a new language, you commit to being a life-long learner. And you might never reach “perfection”.

The other night, while processing through the death of George Floyd and the endless crimes against Black bodies, thinking through my role in the work towards change, I called my friend Jenny Potter. Jenny has spent 20 years of her life dedicated to listening and learning how to be an ally to our Black friends and neighbors. She is one of the co-hosts of The Next Question with Chi Chi Okwu and Austin Channing Brown (which if you haven’t watched yet, you should here). She was talking about how being in a relationship with racial justice is a life-long commitment, and not something to be done reactively, but always proactively. And it’s not enough to just not be racist – We must be ANTI-RACIST. And that takes daily introspection, dismantling our privilege, speaking out, humbling ourselves, saying I am sorry, not getting stuck in inaction, and rolling up our sleeves to do the work with our Black neighbors.  I, probably like many of you, have had a new awakening the last few weeks. Times like this require us to stop and re-evaluate. What I realized is that the work I have done has not cost me much, and with that it’s costing the Black community everything. The work ahead takes intentionality – and it has to be more than just sharing a Black voice on my story, believing my Black friends and their experience, desperately WANTING change, reading books, signing petitions, listening to podcasts in private. It takes a change of heart and a movement towards action.

Jenny shared how there is a language to anti-racism. And you have to learn it. And just like any other language, you have to practice using it. Yes, you might say it wrong. You might get corrected. But that is part of learning. Often when we are learning a new language, we have to work hard to turn off the words and thoughts we have grown so comfortable and accustomed to. The framework that we have been taught. We must unlearn. We must make space for new information. We have to be open to a new way of understanding and listening. And we have to be willing to put in the work. You won’t pick it up overnight, or even in a week. It’s a life long journey.

And who best to learn the language from than those that are fluent.

Here are some Black voices / accounts I have been listening to, as I continue my own journey to learning a new language, for you to follow along with too. Do not flood their DMs but listen and soak up what they are sharing – Your question will most likely be answered.

@heytra *adoptee voice
@rachel.cargle
@oshetamoore
@latashamorrison
@blackandembodied
@ohhappydani
@shardayrenee  *adoptee voice
@austinchanning
@theandrehenry
@showingupforracialjustice
@thefabmoms *(Black Adoptive Moms)
@wreckageandwonder *adoptee voice
@thedailyadoptee *adoptee voice
@brownicity 
@Beabridgebuilder
@iamadopted * adoptee voice
@ashlee_eiland * adoptive mom
@itstashhaynes * adoptee
@angieadoptee * adoptee
@iampamela19

***And please! if you read something or watch something that has been beneficial to you – reach out to that person, ask if they have a venmo or a patreon,  and financially support them. So many Black voices are providing so much RICH content. Support them in their work and how it benefits you.

These past few weeks when I have found myself stuck in shame or guilt cycles in my head, I simply say “This is not helping anything” and I pick one thing to do in that moment. For my friends that feel stuck and are scared and don’t know what to say, I found this video from Osheta Moore super helpful.“I am sorry. I am listening. I am learning.”

But this is just a starting place. We have to do more than listen and learn. We must decide what WE can do to take action and play a role in anti-racism work in our homes, in our families, in our workplaces. 

Here are a few things you can do right now as you education yourself:

• Watch Rachel Cargle’s Public address on Revolution ( “Critical knowledge + radically empathy + Intentional Action” ), and start her #DoTheWork 30 day challenge that gives you one thing to do everyday.
• Watch The Next Question Show
• Sign up for a class with Be the Bridge (They have great transracial adoption resources too) – They also launched a podcast this week!
• Read 16 Bridge Building Tips for White People 
• Sign up for Austin Channing Brown’s Newsletter (starts with five days of homework)
• Read and think about what being an ally looks like.
• Watch this video by Torie over at Wreckage and Wonder talking about why just posting a black square is not enough.
• If you are a person of faith, make space to do this devotional by Ashlee Eiland.
• Watch this IGTV by Layla F. Saad and think about the ways you are holding on to comfort and complacency.

I know someday my daughters will ask me what role I played in this story unfolding before us… And I want to be proud of my answer, not to feel good about myself but because my faith requires it and I believe we all have a role in this towards change. Our brothers and sisters in the Black community should not be fighting this battle alone.

To my white friends who are reading this. Know that I am writing this to myself. Please join me in resisting the urge to shut down. Resisting the urge to not say anything, resisting the urge to take steps backwards. The only way is forward and it takes all of us. And the truth is, we will never be fluent – because we will never live the experiences of our Black neighbors. But let’s practice speaking out.

I hope you will join me as we humbly learn this new language together – knowing that we will 100 percent mess up, and that’s okay. I am not sure where you are on this journey, you may be WAY ahead of me, or just starting, but my hope is that each day this language will become more and more universal and one we can all speak. 

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At Kindred, we will continue to lift up all sides of the adoption triad. We will continue to have conversations that push out of our comfort zone and stretch us in new ways. We believe that storytelling is a pathway to transformation. We believe that we can do more together than we can alone. We believe in listening to each other and holding stories with care. We believe that we all have a role to play to dismantling injustices in our world.  We also believe that our beliefs have to be put to work. We commit to always becoming, and being life-long learners.  Where we are today should never be where we are in 6 months or a year. 

With those beliefs as our backbone, we at Kindred commit to:

• Listening intentionally to the stories and words that our Black neighbors are sharing.
• Examining the areas that we are taking up too much space, have been too comfortable or complicit with our privilege, and benefit from oppressive systems.
• Hosting conversations that amplify Black voices and different experiences
• Reflecting on the ways that we, as white hopeful + adoptive parents, play a role in oppression of others and how we can work towards a life of anti-racism and allyship.
• Recognizing and checking our privilege as we (white adoptive parents) hold a privileged space within adoption and in our world
• Supporting Black businesses and people as we grow our conferences and retreats and classes. 
• Partner with transracial adoptees and BIPOC voices to create classes that educate hopeful + adoptive parents for realities of transracial adoption and how this conversation on race, identity, history, and racism/anti-racism is critical. 
• Still doing this work as the dust settles, and holding our team accountable to these ongoing conversations.

We acknowledge that we will make mistakes along the way, and that words fall short without action. We recognize that change does not occur overnight, and racial justice work is a lifelong relationship. But we are committed not letting the fear of messing up stop us from the steps forward we can take. And we know this list will grow and change as we do.