You know that feeling you get when you are on the forefront of something groundbreaking, something new and uncharted. For me it is an anxious energy, full of nervous excitement. For someone like myself, who generally thrives off knowing what to expect, saying yes to the Kindred Triad Retreat was out of my comfort zone.
To be honest, I applied thinking there was no way I would be chosen, but I knew I needed something. I had been swimming in grief for the past two years trying to make sense of my reunion and my adoption story. Then along came Hannah and her vision for the retreat. When I was chosen to attend, I threw caution to the wind and said “YES”, trusting that this person I only knew through Instagram was who she appeared to be, and that I could feel safe in the space she was creating. Those that know me understand this was a big step for me, but something about it felt right, and I am not one to ignore an instinct like that.
As the retreat approached, I was fearful. I was afraid that my story and perspective would not hold value for those in other positions in the triad. I was afraid that it may not even hold value for the other adoptees that would be present. For the longest time, I have searched for meaning within my story, and this weekend taught me to breathe. I learned that my story inherently has immeasurable value because it is uniquely mine, but I also learned that LISTENING to other stories can help heal us. I learned quickly that finding meaning and purpose within my own narrative was not the intention of this trip, and that if I stayed quiet long enough, I just might find what I was looking for.
As all the attendees started to gather, there were hushed conversations, nervous glances, and hesitant smiles. Everyone was seemingly navigating their feelings and expectations as we all prepared to embark on this journey together. To explain the workshops, the food, the activities, and swag bag in detail would not do this retreat justice. It would not be able to convey the depth of conscious and intentional care that was poured into each and every one of us by the team Hannah assembled. Instead, I am going to recount for you what truly happened that weekend in the desert of Palm Springs. On the face of it, there was nothing extraordinary, just a group of women getting together for a self care weekend, but if you look close enough you will see the true magic in what Hannah and her team created: For listening to others’ stories with open hands and an open heart can change the world.
Something brave happened over the weekend in Palm Springs. Collectively we all made a choice. We chose to see past the labels that so often define us, and truly see each other for who we were. We chose to see humans first. We allowed our stories to carry with them a weight that is too strong to be ignored. We chose to HEAR each other. Have you ever really sat with someone and actively chose to LISTEN to every word they said? When you are able to do that, something BIG happens. Their exterior melts away, you get to look them in the eye and really FEEL who they are. I believe we all have something to share with this world, and this retreat gave me the hope I was missing for much too long. It gave me the hope that we are all so much more than our labels and our choices. It gave me hope that the adoption community can begin to do more LISTENING, instead of shouting. Most of all, it made me feel as if we were setting a foundation for a more empathetic and inclusive adoption narrative for the generations that come after us; one where instead of misunderstanding, we can sit at a table, share a meal, and hear each other, especially with people that are different than us or have lived very different experiences.
Most of all, this experience made me proud. I am proud to be in the company of these women, and to get to call them my friends. We are adoptees, birthmothers, and adoptive mothers from all different backgrounds. We are the OG warriors who said yes to this experience. We are all connected by a collective unity whose only creed is Honesty, Respect, and Empathy. We are flawed, caring, gracious, strong, and fearless… and we are just getting started.
all photos by Cassie Anna
WRITTEN BY CLAIRE HUDSON
Claire is an adult adoptee and the founder of Project Dawn, focused on elevating the adoptee experience through curated education and conversations for all triad members and their families. She is a mother to three rambunctious children and resides with her husband and chocolate lab in North Carolina. Her goal is to create a space within the adoption community where the adoptee experience is honored, and the ethical treatment of adoptees throughout their life cycle is held to a higher standard. Claire believes that by sharing our stories, we can begin to make waves within the industry. Please join her on Instagram, or on my website.
