Home is Where You See You

Recently we made the decision to move from rural western Wisconsin where we had been living the past three years back to Minneapolis. Admittedly, we were naive three years ago when we thought we could live in a community with less than 1% people who identify as Black in it’s population and still provide racial mirrors for our daughters. The second our daughter came home from pre-K asking to go to a school with kids who have brown skin like her we knew we needed to make a change. Side note from that real quick: I know personally how hard it is to move away from friends, or family, but if you are a transracial adoptive parent who lives in a community where your child is the only child of color in their class or only child of color at church or one of a handful in the town you live in, I would challenge you to deeply examine your life and if it’s really best for your child/ren. Moving may not be an option right this moment but think about if it could be in the future. It may mean moving away from family. It may mean losing friends. It may mean changing jobs. It may mean downsizing your house. Yes, those are scary things. They are big things. But so is looking around and seeing no one who looks like you.

Ok, so mini little rant on that over.

Covid threw a little bit of a wrench in our plans. We were supposed to move at the beginning of April but ended up waiting until the end of May. We ended up moving into our North Minneapolis neighborhood the weekend after George Floyd was murdered. With helicopters circling overhead, as sirens echoed and a faint smell of smoke filled the air, we moved into our new house that already feels like home. The first night we stayed at our new house we were under a strict curfew. We moved our garbage cans against the house and had the hose hooked up in the backyard with buckets ready as directed by the city because of arsonists making their rounds through different neighborhoods. Some people thought we were crazy for moving when we did. Some people questioned the safety of the neighborhood we were moving to and it’s reputation. Some people questioned our move period. Some people wondered why we didn’t stay comfortable and “safe” in the country while a rebellion rose up in our city. But that weekend, we knew we were home. We knew we were exactly where we needed to be.

We look around our neighborhood and we see more people who look like our daughters than ourselves. Luca has noticed too. And that was the exactly the point.

Since the murder of George Floyd, Minneapolis has literally and figuratively been on fire. The topics of segregation and achievement gaps have been hot news and how poorly Minneapolis ranks in those areas. Our own Governor admitted that Minnesota is a progressive state to live–if you are white. If you are Black, that’s a different story. A complex pattern and lengthy history of police violence and brutality has been uncovered and confronted. It’s a disturbing story. However, it’s a story that’s starting to change. A story that includes numerous large organizations and businesses withdrawing their contracts with the Minneapolis Police Department. A story that includes neighborhoods coming together to clean up and lend a helping hand. A story that includes the Minneapolis City Council moving forward to change policing in our city and setting the standard for others around the world to follow. Just like his precious daughter said, George Floyd is changing the world.

Several weeks ago, we visited the memorial that has been set up at 38th and Chicago where George Floyd was murdered. It’s 9 miles from our house. Luca wanted to bring flowers. We remembered George. We said his name and the names of others like Breonna Taylor and Philando Castille (who was also killed in Minneapolis). We remembered Tamir Rice and talked about how young he was. We reflected on how some people think they are better than others simply because of the color of their skin. Visiting the memorial was both heartbreaking and inspiring at the same time. Heartbroken for another life lost. Inspired by a community coming together in ways not seen before. An intersection of two streets that has caused a tidal wave of change across the globe.

I am cautiously hopeful. Hopeful for change that Black people have been fighting for, begging for, and dying for for the past 400 years. 

Our family has done a lot of learning over the past 5 years. We’ve challenged our gut reactions. We’ve unpacked years of bias we were unaware of. We’ve read and listened and learned from the voices of color around us. We continue to do so. Every single day. Anti-racism is not a finish line. It is a life-long marathon. It is a daily journey. And it starts with one step. It starts with one conversation. It starts with one protest. It starts with one training. It starts with one book. It starts with one volunteer shift. 

Take that first step. 

Push aside the fear of failure. The fear of saying the wrong thing. The fear of messing up. Your voice matters. It needs to be heard. 

Because, if you have a hard time saying “Black Lives Matter”, your child will too.

Here’s a very short list of resources I would strongly recommend:

Books

Motherhood So White by Nefertiti Austin

Stamped from the Beginning by Ibram X. Kendi 

This Book is Antiracist by Tiffany Jewell

Instagram Accounts

@brownicity

@tnqshow

@beabridgebuilder

@theconsciouskid

If your bookshelf or Instagram feed has gone back to “normal”, it shouldn’t have, and these would be great additions.

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WRITTEN BY LAUREN RASMUSSEN
Lauren lives in Minneapolis/Saint Paul. Wife to John, stay at home mama to Luca and Jona. She is a lover of coffee (most always with cream) and Mexican food. A Northern girl through and through she loves spending time outside no matter the season. She has a deep passion for adoption and the community she found through her own adoption process. She hopes these stories will inspire and more than anything assure others they are not alone.