This last weekend I witnessed something beautiful.
But the truth is, I was scared it wouldn’t end up that way.
For so long the different sides of the triad were not communicating and when they tried it felt like everyone was screaming over each other and everyone was missing each other.
I was so nervous coming into our first triad retreat that we would take a step backwards rather than a tiny step forward. What would happen when we put woman with totally different experiences but with the common thread of adoption in a room together and asked them to be vulnerable with one another?
My greatest fear was that we would all end up in our bedrooms upset and feeling misunderstood and I wouldn’t know how to find a way forward.
But that’s not what happened at all.
The goal of the retreat was to find unity in the adoption triad, through reflecting on our own stories and listening to others’ stories with care.
And what I saw was a triangle melt into a circle.
I saw sharp corners soften.
I saw hurt, start to heal.
I saw people realize that they are not alone.
I watched as people shared honestly and others listened with extreme care.
I heard lots of “me toos”
I saw friendships form
And I saw hope bubble up as many stories continue to be written.
Lanaya of Adoption Books shared this with me:
“I have been thinking about all the amazing moments and I’m completely overwhelmed with all the good feels! I breifly told you that I have a tendancy to expect the best. I’m an idealist and optimist. Sometimes, I inadvertantly set myself up for disappointment because the truth is, that usually things are normal and good, instead of thrilling and perfect. This weekend, however, was even more than I could have imagined.
As I reflect on the last three days I am just left with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the beautiful space and people of the Kindred Triad Retreat. I also feel a sense of overwhelm that others in the triad have let me into some of their sacred spaces- deepest pain and complex joy. I have done nothing to deserve the honour of the trust I was given. I am so grateful for this weekend.”
When we started on Friday we all had our name and our place in the triad on our name tag – and by the end of our time together our stories melted together and we were united by our humanity not by our label or connection to adoption.
I am proud of the woman that showed up and showed themselves, that kept listening even when it was hard.
I was encouraged by the words Claire shared with me:
“I was in a terrible place the past two years. A place where I literally could not see a way out. I found these online platforms such as yours and it gave me hope. Hope that things are changing for the adoption community. This weekend gave me not only continued hope, but enormous peace. I feel like I will finally be able to breathe.
I will carry this experience with me for the rest of my life”
While we didn’t solve all the problems of adoption – we took a step forward together. And that’s the most I could have hoped for. What an honor to hold this space with these woman.
all retreat photos by Cassie Anna Photography
