I’ve thought about the words I would write on this day 1000 times over. I have spun them every which way and back and have thought about how I would ever give justice to this little piece of our story. So I waited. And here I sit pecking away at these keys because the words were creating such a cloud in my head….the anxiousness to get them all out could wait no longer.
It will be 4 years this October since we became a foster family. When we decide to foster we looked into several different avenues, but we really wanted to work with a group that would put not only the kids, but their parents as well, at the forefront. We wanted to work alongside people who knew reunification was of top importance and who would fight for it when at all possible and when healthy. With each group I talked with I asked, “What is your adoption rate?” I know it is just one single statistic, but I felt like it was a really telling one. In the end we ended up becoming a certified foster family with the state of Tennessee mainly because they had the lowest adoption rate. We were beyond impressed with the way they valued children and their first families and how reunification was always the goal when possible.
And here’s what I just realized I am doing with the above words…I’m making my case…like I have to prove something or solidify something to you. It’s my pride and it’s a pretty ugly part of me. We became a foster family to help keep families together. Reunification was the goal. We believe that children in foster care need loving and safe people and places to land, but so do those who are working so hard to get them back. These parents and relatives and guardians need people cheering them on, encouraging them and stepping into their corner to tell them, “You matter. You are loved. You are strong. You can do this.” Very honestly, when we realized our girl’s case would move to adoption, I felt like I had failed her and her birth mom. The goal was reunification and it didn’t happen and I took it very personally. It was a shot to my pride when I should have put my pride down a long time ago. One day while talking to my friend Sherry about my feelings of failure she said, “Just because it didn’t end exactly how you planned, does not mean that it ended wrong.” I immediately jotted it down, taped the small piece of paper in our kitchen and tucked her words away in my heart.
I hardly ever understand how life shakes out. The past 3 1/2 years we have loved our girl and her birth parents the best we could. We were never perfect, far from it, but we knew life was better together and that we had to try to give this our very best love. Monday afternoon was incredibly beautiful and special and bittersweet as we wrapped up the past 43 months and a judge made our newest daughter officially Winter Lee Kelley. Although we’ve been together since she was a baby, it felt like a fresh start…a redemptive Day 1.
All 7 of our children have joined our family so differently, each carrying their own unique story. I don’t know if I’m getting much right in life, but what I do know is it’s my greatest honor to love my kids, to be their mama and to honor each of their individual stories, beginnings and first families. They make us better. They make our life richer. Josh and I are not obedient or good people and our children have never been, nor will they ever be, our ministry, charity or good deed. They are simply our kiddos who we feel so utterly unworthy of. Once again, Josh and I find ourselves the absolute luckiest.
Winter fully anticipated this day.
The kids went to school that morning for a few hours before we picked them all up for our big day. Before Winter left she asked me to hang flags for her and then instructed me where exactly to hang them. Next thing I knew, the kids were in school and I was digging through my basket of banners, flags and buntings to complete her request. I remember making her name banner for her first birthday. Insert tears.
After snagging everyone from their schools and getting a quick lunch we headed out. When we arrived at the courthouse Josh’s parents were waiting on us. Winter went running as fast as she could to hug their necks. Winter is named after Josh’s sister, Jennifer, so it felt extra special for Jen to be there. Winter adores her.
Right on time they called us into the courtroom. I teared up instantly and could not hold them in. They called us forward and our attorney asked questions and I answered them…squeaking out my words in between my tears. Our judge was kind and moved through his words with grace. And then just like that, Winter was officially and legally a Kelley…our second daughter…the one we didn’t see coming and didn’t even know we needed, but absolutely did.
We let her plan out the rest of her special day. On the way home we all got celebratory icees and she requested Arbys for dinner with little Sprites and wanted to eat in the floor while watching Dolphin Tale. Dairy Queen was her choice of dessert to which she got an ice cream sandwich. She beamed all day long and told anyone who would listen how she was now Winter Lee Kelley.
I anticipated the day feeling heavy. Special days are hard without Everett and we all just really miss him. I also carried a heaviness for Winter…adoption is a mix of sadness and joy, loss and gain. And sometimes those feelings are just hard to balance out, but Winter went into her day head up, eyes clear and joy oozing from her little body. She was so joyful about this day which in turn made me even more joyful about it. Her joy lifted my heaviness. This day was important to her…this was the permanency she’s longed for and deserved, but at the end of the day the truth I know is that I needed this day as much, if not more, than Winter did.
Winter Kelley, you my love are fierce, strong, resilient and the loudest, wildest, most loving firecracker in the sky. I’ve never met another child like you and you exhibit so many amazing traits we see in your beautiful birth parents. You feel all the feels and you share all there is to share and you love with every fiber of your little being. You have made our family richer indeed. You are loved by so many and we’re all watching as you change the world one hug and awkwardly too honest comment at a time. We’re so honored to be your family.
Today’s post was originally posted here. Laura Kelley and her husband Josh Kelley lead a tribe of 5 little ones. She love Jesus, color, creativity, being a momma and foster mom and believes quite possibly baked goods could change the world. She loves being an artist and considers it an honor to do what she love…creating and sewing as much as I can. And I write weekly about the absolute random which is our life.
