On the heels of a tough few weeks for our communities I wanted to share my heart with you.
At the age of 26, I placed my first-born son for adoption. I knew nothing about the process, I had little to no support and I spent many years trying to figure out my place. It is a scary thing, when you experience something that changes you to the very core of who you are, wondering if you will ever be able to find people who can accept you and love you and understand you.
Our community has experienced a great brokenness. This isn’t the first time that we have found ourselves down and out, and I know it will not be the last.
I don’t know a lot, but I do know this: After a storm, we always rise to a better community.
We get beat up a bit, we point fingers, we cry and scream and beg for understanding. But when the dust settles, we get up, brush each other off and take a step forward, more informed and determined to do better.
Adoption is the most beautiful and complex thing I have ever had the privilege of being associated with.
We never really understand it until we are in it.
As we move forward and prepare ourselves for all that is coming, I wanted to encourage you in a few truths that I hold dear.
- There is more love than hate.
- When we know better, we do better.
- We can trust our instinct over the process.
- Family is everything.
- Community can move mountains.
We all have a place in this community. EVERY voice matters. We don’t create change if we can’t get on board with that mindset. There is no one in this that is better than another, there is no one that should be more privileged over another, there is no one that should feel silenced or neglected.
We must remember each other.
I know this extends way past our adoption communities but here in this vulnerable and emotionally charged dynamic it is the most important thing to remember: We are all validated in how we feel.
As a Birth Mother I want to tell you something. To you, this amazing and brave and beautiful and raw and healing community. It may get worse before it gets better, we may never have the answers to the questions that keep us up at night, we may never be able to really “do this well”. But I know that there is great love here. I have seen more love poured upon me and my journey and my pain and my healing than most people will never feel in a lifetime. I am here because of you, I keep fighting because of you, I will always rise better because of you.
A powerful reminder for all of us that are tied to adoption: Our most treasured families are built through man made systems. There will be failure, there will be shortcomings, there will be pride, there will be greed, there will be things overlooked and pushed aside.
We have a responsibility to our most treasured families to stand up for what we know is right and ethical, to be bold and brave in voice. To stand without wavering.
But also, please remember that no one will do this perfect, ever.
It is easy to feel helpless in such a hopeless fight. But we can all do something.
- Report unethical behaviors
- Share your story
- Educate family and friends and communities
But most important. Honor your families. It starts at home
Remember that our relationships are also between imperfect individuals.
You have a place in this community. We see you and we love you.
We truly are better together.
Ashley Mitchell is known for her vulnerablity and realness through her speaking, writing, mentoring and advocay work for the adoption community. She is the founder of Lifetime Healing, and she believes strongly in the power of sharing your story. Ashley is the mother of 2 and a birth mother of 1. She is learning daily how to navigate open adoption and how to create a life after placement and helping others through theirs.
Barbie Y GarciaTHIS WAS SO GREAT ASHLEY!!!