Adoption & Immigration

“Where is he from?” 

I never thought such a simple question could be so complicated. Right now, my son proudly and loudly claims two countries, the one he was born in, Japan, and the one he is being raised in, the United States. Currently, he holds citizenship in both countries. He is learning to speak Japanese and also says “there” with a true Texan twang. He is learning to both read and writes in Japanese and English. When we watch the Olympics, we cheer for both Team Japan and Team USA. He craves sushi and eats seaweed, edamame, and rice like it’s his job, but he does the same with burgers, fries, and Tex-Mex. As he looks up with all of his beautiful Japanese features and looks at his mama who shares none, I see his precious innocence and feel the heaviness of that question, “Where is he from?” 

I want him to continue to be proud that he is both Japanese and American. Currently, he is an adorable five year old and everyone thinks he is the cutest (because he is). But for how long? How long will he feel safe answering that in the way he wants to answer? How long will it be before what he is so proud of is squashed by someone who menacingly tells him to go back where he came from, or asks him, “Where are you really from?” It wasn’t that long ago, just seventy-five years, when men, women, and children who were Japanese American, just like my son, were rounded up and incarcerated for three years simply because of the way they looked. I wish I could say that surely wouldn’t happen again, but there continues to be a hysteria of “otherness” in this country. And I believe that for the adoptee and the child in foster care, that otherness is compounded by the complexities that adoption and foster care bring. 

One of the things that make adoption and foster care so complex is the fact that it overlaps with so many other social justice issues. Immigration is an issue I very often see left out of the conversation in adoption and foster care. When my husband was working in foster care as a caseworker, he saw a complicated case involving nine children whose mother was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The court wasn’t going to terminate her parental rights because the case wasn’t that serious, but she did not have the resources to care for nine children, so reunification was not an option. The choice then was for her to voluntarily relinquish her rights allowing her children to become waiting children in the system legally free to be adopted, or they would just be stuck in foster care. She chose to voluntarily relinquish, but for the oldest boy in that family, he had a choice. Since it is the system’s priority to place with biological family whenever it’s possible, this young teenager found himself between a rock and a hard place. He could go to Mexico and live with his father, or be adopted and stay close to his siblings. These children were U.S. citizens, but because the father had been deported, they were separated. These kids had never even been to Mexico, they were all born here. This oldest boy was torn between two countries, between multiple family members, the whole thing was a mess. When I was studying child welfare, I spent many hours with Child Protective Services, shadowing caseworkers and following caseloads. More than once I saw a case involving a family who had immigrated here and had open cases even though they were great parents. Reports had been made and investigations started because what was culturally acceptable in their country of origin was not culturally acceptable here. Often times school officials would call on negligence, when in reality what the real problem was, was poverty because they came here with nothing. 

Being a family who adopted internationally, our eyes were opened yet again because of what we experienced navigating the two years it took for two American citizens to obtain our son’s Certificate of Citizenship (spoiler alert, it was a mess). Even though we’ve done things right, I still hold my breath when we go through security at the airport, dread the day my son has to get his driver’s license or any other form of identity where our government is going to require to see his Certificate of Citizenship. Why? Because I am listening to adult adoptees tell their traumatic experiences of handing over the very legal forms that are asked of them, only to be questioned the validity of it because of the way they look. There have been several cases where adult adoptees have been deported, through no fault of their own, a mother’s worst nightmare. I can’t read those cases without crying in anger, fear, and sadness. It continues to be a growing concern among the international adoption community because if American citizens are legally adopting children, even from other countries, citizenship should be automatic. But that is not the case. There are currently thousands of adoptees, especially those born before 1983, who do not hold citizenship in this country. Some have been deported or are facing deportation back to their country of birth where they know no one, don’t know the language, have no way, no resources, no family to be successful there because they were adopted and raised in the states. Though things have somewhat improved with the 2000 Child Citizenship Act, it still did not grant citizenship to adoptees who were already over the age of 18. Though with some country programs, children are citizens as soon as they land here in the U.S., with others, like our Japan adoption, children come here on an IR-4 immigrant visa, and the adoptive family has to go through the process of getting their child a green card, then their Certificate of Citizenship. 

There is a social stigma surrounding immigration, and though I wish I could say there was more compassion within the adoption and foster care community, it’s certainly not something my family has experienced. 

“Why did you decide to adopt outside of the U.S.? Don’t you know there are kids here who need to be adopted?”

My husband and I are constantly having to justify why we chose to grow our family through international adoption. Sometimes, there is simply genuine curiosity, and we are happy to share in those instances. Other times, we hear it in the tone, we see it written on their faces, we see the sideways glances, the “huh, interesting,” and then turning away. There is pointed judgment like we are somehow “disloyal” because we didn’t take care of “our own” in this country. I wish I could tell you that this only came from strangers in the grocery store, but sadly, where we have received the most judgment is in the community we should feel safest: The adoption community. This isn’t true for every family who has adopted internationally, but there has been a major decline in international adoption in the past ten years for a variety of reasons. This is not everyone’s experience, but since we brought our beautiful boy home, finding where we fit has been incredibly difficult. A couple of months ago, searching for answers and resources and services to help us get through a situation, I sat in an adoption therapist’s office and cried so many tears at the loneliness and otherness my family has felt the past five years. And if this is how I feel, as a white adoptive mom with privilege, what is this going to mean for the son I am raising? What are the implications of the children and families living this in a system that is very much not tipped in their favor, asking them to choose between two countries, sometimes two families? If we are going to advocate for things like family preservation and ethical adoptions, then issues surrounding immigration also need to be a part of the conversation. 

Currently, with the issue of immigration and deporting adoptees, what I feel the current policy communicates to our children, is that even though you may have been legally adopted, the government doesn’t see them as really part of our family. What this tells them is you are returnable. Something no child, no adoptee should ever feel or experience. With situations in foster care where children may be U.S. citizens, but one or both parents may be deported, and even in conversations I see right now regarding the crisis at the border, there is a lot of “we’ll adopt the kids” talk, but not a lot of compassion towards the parents. Whether you’ve adopted, fostered, or not, at the end of the day immigration does play a role in adoption and foster care, and no matter where you stand there needs to be more compassion, more understanding, and more holistic thinking surrounding it. 

I don’t have all the answers and I’m no expert. But I do want to start and normalize this conversation instead of it being continually pushed aside or looked down upon. If nothing else, I hope that if this is something that has never been brought to your attention or you’ve never thought about, your wheels will start turning. So, what can we do moving forward?

I encourage you whether this directly impacts your family or not, to check out Adoptees For Justice, an inter-country adoptee led organization that is doing amazing work advocating for inclusive citizenship rights for all adoptees. Please consider signing their Adoptee Citizenship Act of 2019 (and thank you Christine of @diaryofanadoptee for bringing it to my attention). 

If you have adopted internationally or are pursuing international adoption, stay on top of your paperwork. With some country programs, your child is a citizen as soon as you land back in the U.S. With others, your child is coming here on in IR-4 visa, and you have got to make sure you follow through with the rest. Regardless, make sure you’ve got everything you need that shows the paper trail of the process, start to finish. Get that Certificate of Citizenship in your hands. Part of the problem with the adoptees who do not have citizenship isn’t just government policy, it is that their adoption agencies and parents didn’t follow through with the process. Your children are not responsible for their paperwork, so do not delay. 

If you are a foster or adoptive parent and this doesn’t directly affect you, I beg you, please don’t tune the rest of us out. Please do not assume that because we went “outside” of our country to grow our family, we don’t care about children here. We were simply led differently than you. Please save a seat for us at the table and allow us to contribute to the conversation, and think about what that communicates to our children also. 

If you are a person of color, adoptee or not, impacted by immigration or not, I know that this is a triggering topic and the micro-aggressions you face every day I have no clue the depth of. But I want you to know that you do belong here. 

No matter where you stand on this issue, I hope you can agree that fewer assumptions and more compassion are what we need most from each other. 

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Christa is a wife, mom via adoption, coffee consumer, and Mary Poppins wannabe. A born and raised Texan, she is doing all the things she said she never would, like homeschooling, going gluten and dairy-free, using essential oils like they are going out of style, and writing her first book. She and her husband are both former social workers-turned-writers and entrepreneurs. She loves sharing about the joy and pain of adoption and helping to prepare others along the way. She keeps it raw and real, and you can find her rocking the mom-bun, making more coffee, and processing through words on her blog at spoonfulofjordan.com and other real-life shenanigans over on Instagram @spoonfulofjordanblog.