Creating Space in an Open Adoption
We are so fortunate to have an open adoption and ongoing relationship with Luca’s first mama. When we first started the adoption process we were nervous about what that would look like and what it would mean for our family. After we matched with Luca’s birth mom we realized very quickly what an amazing relationship we could have with her. She always and forever will be a special part of our family. No matter what that looks like. Sometimes it looks like texting on a daily basis and sometimes it looks like not communicating for a couple of months. Now that we are a year in we’ve come to understand that all the of the emotions surrounding our little Luca can make things complicated. At first, I’ll admit, I was frustrated. Why wasn’t she responding to my texts? Was everything OK? But then one of our fellow writers encouraged me to put myself in her shoes not only to understand how vastly different our day to day lives are but how things like Luca walking or celebrating her 1st birthday might make her feel. They were things that I needed to hear but they shattered me at the same time. How could I have been so blind to not see that my excitement could mean her pain? Of course, she loves seeing Luca thrive and grow and change but it is also a constant reminder of what she is missing. So we take a step back and we give the gift of understanding and space. Zero expectations.
Room for relationships to grow and to change. She knows that we will always be here for her. Luca will always know how much she is loved by her first mama and how much love we have for her first mama for giving us the most precious gift. Adoption isn’t always easy but it is always, 100% worth it. The happy parts and the hard parts.
