We are officially in the home stretch of this year, and it feels as though humanity is collectively crawling to the finish line from complete exhaustion. As we transition into November, this is a month that already holds so much weight for the adoption and foster care community because it is National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM). In the past as a community we tend to end this month with a vulnerability hangover. This year feels different for so many reasons, but mainly because so many of us are starting this month off depleted, burned out, and overwhelmed from the wreckage 2020 has brought. You might be feeling like you just don’t have it in you to participate this time, and if that’s where you are, that is ok. Even though it is a heavy month, it has also historically been a month full of so much powerful connection and learning from one another through storytelling. It is truly a time where the triad shines, and we not only grow deeper as a community, but we also show the rest of the world that we are in fact, better together.
My hope this year as a community is that we find our way back during NAAM. It can be overwhelming and information overload, but it can also be absolutely life-giving and beautiful if we navigate it well. That’s going to take awareness. Awareness about ourselves, and a commitment to be aware of the impact this will have on each other and those around us watching outside of the adoption and foster care community. Sometimes, I think our little bubble that happens in these squares forgets about that “A” in NAAM, and awareness is really the intent behind this month.
History Of NAAM
I think it is important as I hope this community gets back to the basics, that we actually remember what this month started as and the purpose behind it. This was first introduced by the Governor of Massachusetts in 1976 as one day to help bring awareness to the state that there were children in the foster care system who needed permanency and families. This one day in one state over time turned into a nationally recognized week, then in 1995 expanded to the month long national awareness that we see now (you can see a short timeline here). During this month there is also National Adoption Day, an initiative that was started by an LA County Judge and is now a collaboration of several organizations to open the courts the Saturday before Thanksgiving and finalize adoptions from foster care. Lastly, there is World Adoption Day, which also started as a way to create awareness around foster care, and has since grown to be a day to share about how any type of adoption or foster care has impacted you from all across the triad, waiting families, anyone in the adoption constellation. The original purpose of all of this was to educate the public and our communities about foster care, and the 120,000 children waiting to be adopted-something I think has gotten lost over the years and we shouldn’t forget.
3 Tips To Navigate NAAM
If you are a part of the adoption community, then you know that this month is so much more than what we put on our hands, or events that we attend, or even the snippets of stories we may choose to share. We know that adoption and foster care impacts every part of our lives, it’s not just a month or a season, it is never-ending. I want to acknowledge the fact that not only are we all across the map geographically, but we are all at different parts of our individual journeys. This month may be triggering to you, to each of us in different ways — and here at Kindred, we want to hold space for that.
Here are a few suggestions as you navigate National Adoption Awareness Month
- Set boundaries. I did not do this the first year I participated, and came out more drained than the rest of the year I am involved in this community. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, especially with the isolation we’ve all felt this year. Last time on Kindred, I shared about setting boundaries online. Review that, and employ some of those things here. Go ahead and decide things like:
- How much time will you spend each day consuming content?
- How will you assess and protect your mental health each day?
- Will you have dedicated times to answer questions, comments, and DM’s?
- What are your top priorities/things you want to learn this month?
Last year, I posted at the same time every day. Some days I chose not to share, other days I had a lot to say. I was careful about not putting pressure on myself to read every single post, watch every single live, hop over to 20 different stories. I had my plan, and I stuck to it, and at the end of each night, I decompressed. I hopped on my yoga mat, took a hot bath, watched something that was light. That way the next day, I could hop back in from a healthy place. Figure out what setting boundaries might look like for you during this month, and don’t walk into NAAM without them.
- Keep A Journal. Friends, it is really easy to be reactive on the internet. I want to encourage and remind this community that speaking immediately out of reaction is likely not going to give you the outcome you desire. If we are doing this month right, every single one of us, no matter where we land on the triad, should be listening to voices that reflect and represent us, but also to the other sides we’ve never experienced, yet are forever intertwined with. There will be content that deeply encourages you, makes you feel seen and known and heard. There will also be content that makes your head spin as it knocks you into a place where you’ve maybe never explored. There will be things you emphatically agree with, and things you absolutely don’t agree with. What would happen if something strikes a cord, and we go process that first? It makes us angry, so we go to our journal and write all the reasons why. It confuses us and we need to wrestle, what if we did that in a private journal rather than in a public comment? We read or listen to a story that deeply impacts us —what if we write down our takeaways from it? There is power in writing things down and doing introspective work-the kind of work behind the scenes that no one ever sees or hears about, but notices the fruit that springs forth from it. In my house we have a phrase: There are only two choices with our words. They can either help, or hurt. Instead of impulsively hitting enter on that comment, we might be better off asking, “Am I in a place where I can engage with whatever consequences may come with those words?” It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t engage, encourage or challenge each other, it just means exercising something called quiet strength. Believe it or not, we don’t have to post every single thing we think on the internet. It is important to remember that many who choose to share are sharing intimate parts of their story, and we are also not getting the full story. Most of us have never met and don’t know each other in real life, and this definitely (should) change the way we see and interact with each other on an app where you can only fit so much in one square. We also need to keep in mind that we are each looking through the lenses of our own personal traumas. Trauma rewires the brain, and it also changes our perception. I think that is in part why social media has seemed like such a battlefield this year. 2020 has elicited so many triggering situations, and in the state of moving through collective grief and trauma, we are hitting each other’s trauma responses without any personal connection. As we move through this month, let’s layer that perspective with compassion.
- Know your purpose. Though we know how NAAM started and the purpose of it, I think it is important to uncover if we choose to share in any capacity this month, what is our purpose in it? Do some internal digging into why you feel it is important to share and why. What’s your hope in sharing pieces of your story? My hope this year in sharing during NAAM is to help restore, reconnect, and rebuild after a difficult year for so many. Whatever your purpose is, let that fuel you when you get weary and bring you back when you feel yourself stray from the intent. Your story matters and deserves to be told, as Jordan so beautifully reminded us a few weeks ago. Be sure though, that whatever you are sharing is yours to share. This can be a tricky tightrope to walk as our stories in the triad intersect, but adoptive parents especially, remember you are the guardians of your child’s story. Review some of the questions in this blog and scripted responses if you need to before entering this month. Ask yourself how you can both lift up birth mom and adoptee voices that historically have not been represented during this month, while also participating both through active listening and sharing from your perspective. Each one of us has great purpose, but we serve best when we stay in our lane.
Each weekday Kindred will be sharing someone different from the Triad for you to get to know! We are excited to learn from each other and make space for our unique stories that make up the adoption community.
Adoption community, remember that our joy and pain do not have to negate each other. Beauty and ashes can be held in each hand at the same time. Let’s meet each other right where we are, allowing grace for the fact that each of our journeys and timelines for healing look vastly different. Let’s listen with curiosity and understanding, holding different points of view with care. Most importantly, let’s get back to working together to make things better in adoption and foster care.
WRITTEN BY CHRISTA JORDAN: Christa is a wife, mom via adoption, coffee consumer, and Mary Poppins wannabe. A born and raised Texan, she is doing all the things she said she never would, like homeschooling, going gluten and dairy-free, using essential oils like they are going out of style, and writing her first book (and now her second!). She and her husband are both former social workers-turned-writers and entrepreneurs. She loves sharing about the joy and pain of adoption and helping to prepare others along the way. She keeps it raw and real, and you can find her rocking the mom-bun, making more coffee, and processing through words on her blog at spoonfulofjordan.com and other real-life shenanigans over on Instagram @spoonfulofjordanblog.
