For many of us, living in the midst of a global pandemic wasn’t what we foresaw encompassing 2020. We were looking forward to celebrating the milestones that come with the end of an academic school year or being in an audience watching the recitals of young singers. Spring usually has a sense of rebirth, of breaking through the hard barren ground of winter into a season full of gathering with loved ones building more memories with one another in the warmth of the sun or under the glow of backyard patio lights.
Yet here we are, existing in quarantine and isolation. We find ourselves behind screens more and inside our four walls which allows for the days to blur together effortlessly. It’s evident that each of us are experiencing this time navigating the many valleys of emotions. Valleys such as grief, frustration, loss, anxiety, and restlessness leaving us feeling depleted. I’m finding that these valleys dwell underneath the umbrella of uncertainty. We are uncertain as to what lies ahead and deeply unsure of how this pandemic will continue to unfold.
As the weeks continue to pass by, I’m finding myself recognizing an underlying theme for my personal journey in all of this. There’s a hidden but palpable sense of togetherness for me that for the first time allows me to deeply feel that I’m not the only one experiencing heavy trauma. We all collectively are experiencing this time in history, no one is excluded in this. It’s a new revelation to see that I’m not living in my “otherness” but I’m sharing in this experience together with the rest of humanity.
Our new normal of slow living has sifted some of the excess debris of distraction in order to give way for more deeper connection. We are never meant to do this journey alone but instead to find companionship and belonging in community.
In order to cultivate connection with others it requires us to be vulnerable in risking to be seen and known. I’ve found myself more intentional with investing in the relationships of those who I feel are in my corner. As difficult as it may be, being intentional in a time of uncertainty has been on of my surest ways to cope in this season. I never imagined a time of quarantine would bring about more conversations with my birth family inviting me to be more honest with them about the harder emotions I’m working through during reunification. It’s been a needed relief to be met with “me too” or “I had those same feelings about reunifying” when I decide to open up more about the confusion of relational expectations with my birth siblings. These continued to choices to cautiously pull a brick down from my own wall has in turn created a more tangible sense of family with them. I believe that the blossoming adoptee support groups I find myself in are in direct response to us searching for others that share our “adopteehood”, to be active listeners when we reveal our own wounds within our stories, and becoming the balm for healing as we nurture safe places with one another.
It takes great courage to mindfully strip away the things that keep us hidden and unknown by others. Each of us has to do our own pruning in our life garden with ripping up the weeds that stint our growth. Clearing out whatever is keeping us from being fully seen, heard and known and revealing that nurturing connection with others will harvest a vibrant bloom of who we are. It does feel as though our communities are going through a collective harvest of removal and cleaning out the excess that has kept us from growing wider roots towards one another. This is labor-intensive and requires each of us to do our part in this growing season but may our gardens display our newly seeded connection among us all.
WRITTEN BY SHARDAY DUFRESNE
WRITTEN BY SHARDAY DUFRESNE
Sharday is a wife to one and mom to two residing along the southern coast of California. She is an early riser, daily coffee connoisseur, interior design enthusiast, and lover of all things fall. She is a transracial adoptee who is inviting that voice within to rise up storyteller and desires to champion and advocate for those in this triad community in hopes of adding more leaves and seats to our extended table to hear others stories rise up as well.
