I wanted to share my heart with you today. 14 years ago motherhood found me differently. I gave birth to an amazing and perfect little boy. I became a mother, and then within 48 hours later, I relinquished my rights and became a birth mother. As you know, there are no more words needed.
One month later, I was experiencing my very first Mother’s Day. A day to celebrate a mother that was childless. Everything about my body was still constantly reminding me that I was a mother. I was still producing milk, I was still balancing hormones, I was still healing from delivery.
People around me didn’t know how to talk to me, they didn’t even know if they should look at me. I was mostly left alone, in a trailer, put out of the house, to heal and reflect and grieve. No Happy Mother’s Day cards, no flowers, no I LOVE YOU MOM…nothing.
That has changed greatly for me over the years but I will never forget that first Mother’s Day.
I don’t know a lot but I do know that we are mothers. We may not parent our children, we may not feel like mothers in the traditional sense, but no one will ever be able to convince me that we are not worthy of that recognition. The recognition of what our bodies did, the recognition of the life we delivered, the recognition of the time that was spent with our babies, no matter how brief.
We relinquished our legal rights to our children but not our emotional rights to our children.
I want you to know that I see you and that I want to tell you how much I love you and honor you.
When we talk about motherhood in adoption it gets so complicated. We want so desperately to be recognized, to have value. And we have convinced ourselves that the value we seek comes from the titles we carry.
Isn’t that so true in so many aspects of our life.
The titles we carry have been given so much power over us.
These are the ten things that I see in you:
You are strong
What value does the title of Birth Mother give you?
You are beautiful
You love your child
You are enough
You have done everything you can to make the right choices
You are capable of amazing things
You can heal and find peace
You are worth fighting for
You have value
You are not forgotten
And I want you to know that I love you and care about you, my fellow birth mothers. You may not be in a place right now to accept this, and that is ok. I will be here when you are ready!
I want you to know that no matter how you decide to celebrate this Mother’s Day season, no matter which day you choose to call yourself mother, no matter how many gifts or I LOVE YOU’s that you receive, please please please my dear friend, know that I know that you are a mother. That you are beautiful and amazing and that I am taking this time to celebrate YOU and all that you are, no title necessary.
Also, my dear birth mothers, I want to invite you to a Birth Mother’s Day Zoom Call TOMORROW, May 9th (2MT/4ET), to celebrate YOU! Join me and other birthmoms from across the country as we make time to connect. We will talk about ways that we can take care of ourselves, we will have an amazing panel of birth moms, a surprise guest, and even some yoga and stretching that you can do from home. Please join us! You can register here!
WRITTEN BY ASHLEY MITCHELL
Ashley Mitchell is known for her vulnerablity and realness through her speaking, writing, mentoring and advocay work for the adoption community. She is the founder of Lifetime Healing, and she believes strongly in the power of sharing your story. Ashley is the mother of 2 and a birth mother of 1. She is learning daily how to navigate open adoption and how to create a life after placement and helping others through theirs.
