I had every intention to write more posts during National Adoption Awareness Month but instead, I found myself taking a back seat and letting others do the storytelling. So many of these stories I could have written myself. So many similarities. So many shared feelings. So many times I was internally screaming, “Yes!” when I read about someone keeping their pregnancy a secret, or expressing their gratitude for a healthy adoption, or celebrating the confidence in themselves after years of shame.
People showed up this year for NAAM from all sides of the triad and I was blown away. The honesty, the vulnerability…the healing. Oh, the healing. It’s no secret that storytelling connects us all no matter where you stand on adoption but besides that, I couldn’t help but notice how much growth was taking place. Adoptive parents, adoptees, and birth parents were finding their voices and sharing intimate details of their past (and present) and releasing them into the world. Letting go of the shame that once kept them silent and burdened.
It is our shared experiences that grounds us and allows for deeper connection as we were never designed to do this life alone. Community is the key holder to compassion. It is important we continue to show up and support one another in this community in order to heal and educate ourselves and others. There is no rule book to adoption and each situation is different but one story or example can alter the course for another person.
By encouraging this newfound openness in adoption, we are standing in for those who have never had the opportunity to share their story. The birth parents who have gone their whole lives keeping their placement a secret, the adoptees who never got answers or the adoptive parents who are still mourning their infertility.
My heart breaks for those who have been kept silent (for whatever reason), because at one point I was one of those individuals. It is the reason I share now and continue to be open about my adoption story. It has been the most healing experience and has allowed me to feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time. I am a better mother because of it. A better friend. A better wife. There is no room for shame at my table anymore.
With all this said, we must also remember to leave a chair for the stories that don’t resonate with us. Those we might disagree with. It is important to not let our personal experience disregard the hurt from someone else’s even if it makes us uncomfortable. We live in an imperfect world, full of imperfect people so it is no wonder the adoption world is imperfect. But we can certainly do our best to make up for those inequities.
As we enter into a new year, I challenge you to continue to support one another, continue to share your story, and stand up for those who are unable to stand up for themselves. Remember and honor the birth parents who mourned in secret, the adoptees who never found acceptance and the adoptive parents who always desired to understand. We have the opportunity to uproot what has been lost and it is our responsibility to do better and to be better. If not for ourselves, but for others. We need each other now more than ever and I am looking forward to what this new year brings us.
WRITTEN BY JESSIE MATTOS: Jessie is a birthmom from Orlando, Florida, who has a passion for people, really good chicken wings, and will be the first to tell you if you have something in your teeth (in the nicest way possible!). She’s married to her best friend, Gabe, and is a stay at home mom to Gabriel. She is a University of Florida alumna and has been known to cut a rug or two. Jessie is the type of friend who will never leave your side and when she’s not spending time with her family, she loves to explore her hometown and immerse herself in the flavors of the city. Although she’s been a birth mom for eight years, Jessie has recently found her voice and her “people” within the adoption community and hopes to use this platform to remind others that they are not alone
