5 Things I Wish People Knew About Adoption

1. IT’S ALL UNKNOWN

There are many twists and turns during the adoption process. Not one story is the same. There are many questions asked during the adoption process that we just didn’t have the answer too, and several of our own questions racing through our head. Will she pick us? When will we be matched? Open or closed adoption? If it is open, how will our relationship be with birth mother/birth father? Will they like us? Will this relationship continue after placement? When is the delivery date? Is the baby healthy? Or will there be a NICU stay? When will ICPC clear so we can go home? All these questions are unknown and it is a scary thing to not have control of any of it. 

2. YOU’LL NEED A LOT OF SUPPORT

We needed people around us that encouraged us and prayed for us when we were down and celebrated with us during the major milestones (when we passed home study, completed paperwork, presented to an expectant mom, we were matched, and of course, when we brought our baby home). The adoption community has been a lifesaver. They know exactly what you’re going through because they have either been there or are going through the same thing as you and they are there to help you through the good, the bad and the ugly. They have become friends. They are the people who will encourage and pray for you and your family. It was extremely important to have people we can count on to be there for us!

3. IT CAN CAUSE DIVISION IN MARRIAGE

For us personally, the adoption process was hard in our marriage. We had a lot going on during the process: full-time work plus a lot of overtime, part-time work, full-time school, and small group leaders. I knew my husband had a lot on his plate and I didn’t want to add to the stress by opening up about what I was feeling. So, as time went on we both felt there was something coming between us. Our communication was off, we had more stress, and we were not united. It was the hardest time in our marriage. While we were going through this crazy, emotional, stage of life we would do our best to make a continuous effort to go on dates and spend time with each other. We would strive to be more intentional, open and honest with how we were processing, which made it easier to forgive and resolve our disconnect.

4. IT’S EXPENSIVE

Domestic infant adoption is expensive. Its anywhere from 30K to over 50K. There is a lot that goes into that number. Many fees like agency fees, Birth mom expenses, legal fees, placement fees, etc. Some have the money, and some need to fundraise. We did a few fundraisers: auction, golf, yard sale, and crowd funding. So many people donated – it was humbling and so encouraging that people would believe in us.

5. BIRTHMOMS ARE BRAVE

Since our first phone conversation with our birth mom, we immediately clicked. We would text daily and we have become friends, and still have consistent communication. On the day of Eden’s birth, there was heartache and hurt. Eden’s birth parents love her, they want what’s best for her, and I will never take that for granted. I received this message that was so special to me, from one of my best friends, Jessica. “I have become so impressed by Eden’s Birth moms’ strength. Her choice to choose LIFE for her child, her trust in adoption, and the belief that family can be what you chose for it to be through love.”