When my husband and I began the domestic infant adoption process in 2011, we were anxiously excited to become parents. I started exploring our options of which agency (or agencies) to work with, logging hours and hours on my phone and laptop pouring over program options, agency requirements, and fee schedules.
The task was daunting. Many promised us shorter than average wait times (which I’m embarrassed to admit was tempting!). Most had what felt like exorbitant fees. We frequently saw fee schedules where the amount to adopt a baby of color was “discounted.” Every agency did things differently, and every state had different laws. I began a spreadsheet to keep it all straight, but my head was still spinning.
We must remember that the domestic infant adoption industry in the United States is big business, generating millions of dollars of revenue every year. Adoption practices are underregulated, vary drastically state by state, and are in desperate need of widespread legal reform.
Until that reform happens, the power lands in the hands of adoptive parents.
Maybe a few people on Facebook said they had a good experience with an agency. Or you downloaded a certain mobile app. Maybe you hired a particular adoption consultant and this agency appears on a list they provided.
None of these are sufficient reasons on their own to believe an agency is truly ethical.
Here are just a few things to think about in your search for an ethical adoption agency to work with:
Do your own research. Don’t take anyone else’s word for it. It doesn’t matter that the agency was recommended to you. Put in the hard work on your own to find out as much as you can about them. The adoption community is small—ask around, and don’t only ask adoptive parents. Generally speaking, they got what they wanted (a baby), so take their glowing reviews with a grain of salt. Listen to the experience of birth mothers, and ask whether they felt respected and valued through the entire process.
Don’t underestimate the power of Google. Look up the name of the agency, its director, and the attorney they work with. What do you find?
Non-profit vs. For-profit Is the agency a non-profit organization or a for-profit business? The only legal difference between the two has to do with what happens to excess revenue: non-profit organizations have to re-invest the money back into the organization to further its mission. A for-profit business benefits its owner and/or shareholders.
Just because an agency is a non-profit does not automatically mean they must be ethical. Even non-profits must generate a financial profit if they want to stay in business! The good news? Non-profits are required to make certain financial statements available to the public. Websites like Guidestar and Foundation Center let you search and view an organization’s Form 990, which is the tax return they submit to the IRS. This form will tell you about their assets and liabilities, sources of revenue, amount spent in advertising, and the compensation of its key employees. If for some reason you aren’t able to find a copy online, call the agency and ask if they’re required to file one. If they are, they legally have to provide you with a copy.
Coercive practices. Learn what questions to ask of an agency. As the one writing the checks, you have the right to ask hard questions. Educate yourself and be on the lookout for potentially coercive practices:
* Read the portion of the agency’s website meant for expectant mothers. Do they present adoption as the only “brave” and “selfless” choice? Do they focus entirely on the “better life” an adoptive family would provide, never mentioning parenting as a viable option? Do they call her a “birth mother” prematurely, before she has surrendered her rights to her own child?
* Ask the agency how they handle the rights of birth fathers. What measures do they take to obtain consent? Do they allow (or sometimes even encourage) mothers to not name the baby’s father for a so-called “smoother” process (yes, this actually happens)?
* How do they handle living expenses for expectant mothers? Do they pay bills directly, or simply give her cash? Do they withhold any expenses until after consent is signed, so that she receives money in exchange for a signature? Do they have expectant mothers sign an agreement saying they will be expected to re-pay expenses in the event of them choosing to parent? Ask to see the agency’s intake paperwork for expectant mothers and see for yourself. We won’t be aware of this happening unless we ask.
* Are expectant mothers provided separate legal representation? Someone to look out for her interests and ensure she understands her legal rights?
This list is far from exhaustive! Remember: an ethical agency will have the best interest of all parties in mind, even if that means a placement not happening.
Every time we write a check, we are essentially casting a vote for the way we think things should be done. Adoptive parents have the honor and privilege of expecting more from the adoption professionals we work with, demanding that they raise the bar in areas that are lacking.
Adoption is complex, but we get to send a message with the choices we make. We get to speak up for the interests of those who are more vulnerable. We get to do our own research, ensuring to the best of our ability that the agencies we link arms with are supporting and nor eroding the ethics of adoption. We get to say “no” when presented with a situation that isn’t right.
On Earth as It Is in Heaven | Manda Carpenter[…] best answers I came up with: Those people could pursue an ethical adoption. They could also consider foster […]