I am OK.

A very close friend announced her pregnancy a couple of weeks ago. As I sat there at the table, I waited for the feelings of jealousy. The pangs of hurt to come. The aching. The questioning. I waited. And I waited. And they didn’t. They didn’t come even a little bit. There wasn’t a hint. This has NEVER happened. And as I embarked on my 1+ hour drive home after a fabulous dinner I had a realization. I am ok. In fact, I am better than ok.

You see the thing is, adoption was never a plan B for us. It was always part of our plan A. Regardless of biological children or not. It was always something we wanted to do. Something we hoped for our family. To be honest, I can’t pinpoint something exactly that caused this shift to happen. It’s something that has definitely happened over time. But how did I go from leaving Target in tears because it felt like everyone was pregnant to not even noticing? I think one of the things I’ve really realized maybe as I have gotten older is that everyone’s stories are different. Everyone’s experience is different. Families are different. Some are built biologically. Some are built through adoption. Some through marriage. Some through foster care. And the thing is, it doesn’t matter. They are all beautiful. At the end of the day, a family is a family is a family. Luca is our daughter. And as our daughter sits across the table from me slurping oatmeal and singing “You are My Sunshine” I know that things have worked out exactly the way they were meant to. This was always the plan for our family.

I’ve realized that in this season of life, those desires to grow a child inside me are gone. It doesn’t mean that they may not come back some day. And that’s ok too. But I am ok. When I think about growing our family now, there isn’t a little voice in the back of my head saying “I wonder if we should do IVF”. That voice is so loudly and clearly saying “I cannot wait for us to adopt again”. I believe in this beautiful story for our family. And hopefully someday soon we will get to add to it again.

PS:  I have gained SO MANY beautiful, wonderful friendships through this world of adoption. And Luca has made so many little buddies. We have been so blessed to have so many people walk alongside us in the journey and we have loved walking beside other families as they bring their babies home. One of those mamas just happens to be on her way to meet their baby girl RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND. They have had a long journey to grow their family and just found out yesterday afternoon they were matched with a baby girl who had already been born. They are a little short of the funds they need to bring their sweet girl home. Prayers are so greatly appreciated as they go from a family of 3 to 4 today and if you are able please head over to their YouCaring page to help them meet that final goal!


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